Do Women Prefer Bad Boys?

I’m pulling this piece of Jonathank’s response in the Familyman comments out of context because it provides a good jumping off point for something I’ve wanted to discuss for a while.

Thus, the eternal question: why do women go for jerks? Or another phrasing: why do women go for men who treat them like shit? For every woman who wants to be on a pedestal – note the intentional use of cliche – another wants to be under the heel. Good looking, bad looking, fat or thin, rich or poor – doesn’t matter, you can find a million women who want a man to tell them what to do.

The phenomenon of “women going for jerks” is a real one, but there is a very, very important thing missing from the usual understanding of it. It is, I believe, a product of women’s enculturated fantasies that jerks really AREN’T jerks down deep in their most hidden souls. The usual La-La Land construct is that jerks are really powerful, confident, and misunderstood men that the Very Special Women Who Truly Love Them can bring into the Light, so that someday the erstwhile jerk will finally appreciate the Unconditional Love that has been lavished upon him so unstintingly. At which point, of course, he will fall into stunned, eternal adoration of the Very Special Woman who Stood By Him while he was going around being a powerful, confident, misunderstood jerk, world without end, Amen.

Yeah, it’s nuts. But you do have to understand some of the vital elements of this scene to understand female sexuality. What turns women on? Novelty and beauty, of course: the new and different, the gorgeous hunk, the intelligent or humorous personality, an air of mystery. Touch, warmth, attention, sensual surroundings, laughter. But above all, most women will say that a man’s inherent personal confidence, in and of itself, is a big turn on.

The sexual appeal of masculine confidence is why a bald assertion of power, pure ashcan walkover stuff, can work, especially in the beginning of a relationship (it’s the secret to how a lot of men get a lot of one night stands). And it is also a fact that many women can’t tell the difference between put-on machismo (that violent, belligerent swagger that is often a mask for a LACK of confidence) and real manhood.

Many women believe the classic romantic construct too faithfully, and it is such an insidious mythology that it can incorporate any manner of disgusting behavior depending on a woman’s need to believe it. A woman will go for years believing that her lover’s Redemption is just around the corner, letting him wipe his boots on her. She feels alternately thrilled by his Power and tortured by the length of time it’s taking for him to start giving her the Love she’s “owed” for all the dirt on her back. If she leaves him now, she’s admitting he wasn’t worth it. She can’t do that, can she? Surely he’s going to come around any day now.

So…do some women “want” to be degraded? Yes. Do some women “want” to be ordered around? Yes. Do some women “want” to be Daddied like infants? Yes.

Does that mean that any mature, centered, MANLY man should indulge these women’s fantasies and encourage these neuroses?

I leave the answer as an exercise for the reader.

COMMENTS ON THIS POST:
interesting theories here, but i think you’re way off. *some* women–ie, the very glam, the very self centered, the very sex-in-the-city type of gals–want to be “daddied like infants.” they like jerks, yadda yadda. but i find this whole theory about women dating jerks (yours, and the rest of the world’s) to be completely false. i think a lot of nice men have made this up to make themselves feel better about the fact that they don’t have dates, that the women they know are in relationships with shitty men, and not with them.let me tell you something: as a woman, i’d go for the nice guy any day of the week. i always think i’m going for the nice guy, and then he ends up being an asshole. i don’t think that there are more male assholes than female ones, just that there are a lot of people who are assholes.

and if you know any nice guys who aren’t freaks, well, please, bring them on.

alyssa ettinger [apple] 11/5/03; 7:09:34 AM

Oh I think MANY MANY women like nice men. Me for instance. I’m married to one. Most of the women I know are married to nice men, too. Thank heavens.But the phenomenon of SOME women going for “bad boys” is also real. That’s what I was addressing, because Jonathan brought it up, and because it is a subject that is on a lot of men’s minds when they think about “what works with women.”

There’s a LOT of misunderstanding out there on the subject.

Julia Grey [apple] 11/5/03; 7:26:00 AM

I’m one of those nice guys, and the earlier comments below about traditional gender role reversal ring true to me. My wife is a feminist, and I think this is part of the reason why we have a sexless (twice in 2003) marriage. She seems to equate sex with violation of her body, so, if she is going to have sex, it must always be on her terms, at her speed, in her preferred position, etc. As a “nice guy” I sometimes think (in my darkest hours) that, perhaps, she wants this “violation belief” to be borne out, and that she wants me to “take her” so that I can prove that men are scum, rapists, etc.

When I have these thoughts about “taking her” (okay, fantasies), they are not particularly violent, just very forceful, and I imagine her succumbing to the passion and us having the best sex we ever had. Then reality hits, and I realize that a) she’d probably just kick my ass; b) maybe divorce me; and c) I am a NICE GUY and would never do this and would probably not be able to perform under such pressure.

I wonder how much of this is related to that scene we’ve all seen in countless movies where the jerk-man kisses the woman, who resists at first, then melts into him because of the passion that overtakes her. Thanks a hell of a lot, Hollywood. I’m a nice guy, and will probably die a nice guy, who lived in a sexless marriage.

How many of the rest of you guys out there are the nice ones? I’m guessing the majority of the male readers of your blog, Julia.

Harry [apple] 11/5/03; 7:41:21 AM

(warning; shameless plug coming up)

I wonder how this [BLOGGERS’ NOTE: BROKEN LINK] fits in to this discussion.

Harald [apple] 11/5/03; 7:51:20 AM

Harry; how does the “it must always be on her terms” equate with the sexlessness?

Does she enjoy it then?

Then why not more often?

Harald [apple] 11/5/03; 7:53:33 AM

From what I’ve seen, the single biggest predictor for picking jerks is growing up with jerks for role models. In later life, this helps them confuse confident, desirable alpha traits with meanness.There’s also a whole contingent of guys who describe themselves as ‘nice’, yet stomp through life with a big ol’ unappealing chip on their shoulder, spitting poison about how all those horrible women have the gall to deny them the love they’re owed by virtue of their anger-besotted ‘niceness’, dammit.

Of course, some guys are just purely decent, with confidence rather than bitterness under the veneer. I’m pleased to say that after the excruciating unlearning of some bad patterns, I’m happily married to one.

On a related topic, why is it that when a woman is with a jerky guy, it’s the woman’s fault for picking him, and when a guy is with a jerky woman, it’s the woman’s fault for being jerky? I never could figure that one out.

bun [apple] 11/5/03; 9:44:56 AM

Harald: The “it must always be on her terms” aspect is that she must be the initiator, she determines which of the two positions she accepts as normal we will use (missionary or her on top), how long it lasts (usually about 3 minutes or less), speed and rhythm, and no touching or cuddling afterward. And no talking about it afterward, either. I can’t say whether she enjoys it or not, as I am not permitted to ask. I know I don’t particularly enjoy it.

Harry [apple] 11/5/03; 9:46:55 AM

I answered your rather amusing sidebar on your site, Harald. Thanks!

Julia Grey [apple] 11/5/03; 10:05:37 AM

Like I said, you choose to stay in a sexless marriage. You allow her the chooses while refusing to do anything to change the situation.Call it what you want, people, but to me, it is still all about “power”. This has nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

Lynn [apple] 11/5/03; 12:59:21 PM

Or, for that matter, feminism.

munkymu [apple] 11/5/03; 1:53:20 PM

I agree that people seek Power when they feel they cannot get Love, and that sex often becomes a Power battlefield when anxiety and insecurity and misunderstanding make real love, partnership and genuine emotional intimacy seem like an impossible dream. That’s been the basic point I’ve tried to make over and over in this blog.I also agree that people who stay in a crazy situation without making ANY effort to change it are probably neurotic in the M. Scott Peck sense (suffering a continual just-bearable pain in order to avoid facing a larger, scarier, possibly unbearable one).

However, I don’t agree that meeting Power with Power is the ideal way to break a power imbalance, since that usually only results in ugly, perhaps irretrievable escalation. Look in the Love direction instead.

Or, if there is no genuine love left at all, and no possibility of reviving it, get out.

Julia Grey [apple] 11/5/03; 2:22:45 PM

People in general, not just women, not just men, look for indicators of love in familiar ways, the ways they were taught as children, IMHO. You have to work to break those connections if it turns out that your family’s relationships were hurtful (and recognizing this can be its own trick). But it can be done. I did it, after a failed first marriage (where my husband treated me in the familiar way my mother and father had–which was ultimately hurtful and not loving)

.Kris Hasson-Jones [apple] 11/5/03; 3:51:45 PM

I would say that a strong PRESENCE is what’s attractive. I suspect a mix of generally nice – nice in the sense of “kind” – behavior is appreciated; when leavened by a bit of bad boy mischeivousness. But neither works if it’s just wimpy niceness, or mean cowardice.

Roy Kay [apple] 11/5/03; 5:17:58 PM

With the caveat that this does not represent my beliefs on the subject, http://www.greeblie.com/theyeti/arch/012894.html [BLOGGER’S NOTE: BROKEN LINK] has an interesting foray on the subject.

Courtney [apple] 11/6/03; 5:58:14 AM

Hey, that link was hella fun.

Julia Grey [apple] 11/6/03; 9:30:22 AM

Julia, for some men, the fantasy is Pretty Woman, the whore who really isn’t a whore. (And it’s twin, the nice women who is a “whore” in the bedroom.)I’ve known some shall we say “oversexed” men and women – not swingers, who fit into their own category. Maybe and I mean maybe there’s that heart of gold in the attraction, but there are at least two other factors at work. First, a lot of people are psychological basket cases and they seek out and find people who let them down, who cheat on them, who hurt them. The heart of gold theory implies a romance novel, but reality is more sordid, cheap and nasty.

Second, a lot of people see the jerk/whore/stud/slut as the preening peacock/hot piece. In other words, like the study says, women generally don’t want to be in a relationship with a jerk, but they are more likely to bed one. Thus, the endless letters to every advice columnists – I’m with a really great guy but I ended up in bed with his friend/his brother/my boss/the mailman, etc. and can’t stop – and the advice – you’re risking something meaningful for something immediate but with no lasting value.

And here we get into pet theory time, I think some women are attracted to a rampant male because he’s successful at that and there’s a general human tendency to attribute success in one area to success in others. If he’s good at getting women, he’ll be good at getting raises.

To take this one step further, how many discussions about forgiveness deal with this exact form of cheating? The woman “falls” into an affair with some guy she really doesn’t have much in common with but the sex is great and now she’s torn. The guy “ends up” in bed with the hot new girl in the office and can’t stop banging her because she’s so much sexier than the wife.

So the discussions so often go: it was “meaningless” and I really care about you, I didn’t think, it just happened, I didn’t want to hurt you, etc. and the aftermath that trust has been broken, how do you re-establish trust, is forgiveness a requirement or an option, etc. I’m particularly intrigued by the way this kind of cheating leads to placing of blame – it is at least implied and often said that the cheating happened because the real partner was boring. I love the way people dodge truth.

I have NOT had these conversations with my wife. Just want to go on record with that.

jonathank [apple] 11/6/03; 2:11:24 PM

Simply out of curiosity, what is the definition of ‘jerk’ being used here?The wife-beater wearing, chain-smoking, greasy-haired tempermental and insanely jealous guy with the beer permanently affixed to the hand that’s not currently delivering the smack to the head?

Or the guy that’s intelligent, confident, out-spoken to the point of being painfully blunt, who tends to come off as a complete ass to just about anyone he meets due to his complete lack of tact (ie…verbal sugar-coating)?

Just my take, since that’s mine in a nutshell (help help I’m in a nutshell!). Though it’s certainly not the rule, sometimes confidence is mistaken for arrogance and honesty can be brutal. There’s jerks and there there are jerks. I’d hate to have my particular jerk any other way.

Btw, I find this site absolutely wonderful.

shiv [apple] 11/7/03; 11:33:33 PM

I just posted what i have to say on http://www.greeblie.com/theyeti/arch/012894.html [BLOGGER’S NOTE: BROKEN LINK] so rather than say it again you can get my rant there. In my mind i think im totally correct, but if i didnt then why would i say it? lol. Anyway, please read, at least its a new opinion. D Johnstone [apple] 11/11/03; 12:15:04 PM
From my experience women fantasize about the tough gut/bad boy…but they know esp after 3- it’s much better with the man you can trust…with all things

grerard [apple] 11/11/03; 9:11:20 PM

I just happened upon your blog and this link in the sidebar caught my eye, as I’ve recently pondered on this topic myself. I think you’ve misdefined the term bad boys. I consider a bad boy to be a misunderstood man with his own set of morals and a heart he keeps hidden out of self-protection. You’re simply talking about an ass with no deeper sensitivities than his own power trips.

Kayten • 12/23/04; 4:14:37 AM

It is, I believe, a product of men’s enculturated fantasies that user women really AREN’T users down deep in their most hidden souls. The usual La-La Land construct is that user women are really giving, caring, and misunderstood women that the very Special Man Who Truly Love Them and is “just a friend” hoping for more, can bring into the Light, so that someday the erstwhile user woman will finally appreciate the Unconditional Love that has been lavished upon her so stupidly unstintingly. At which point, of course, she will fall into stunned, eternal adoration of the Very Special Man “friend” who Stood By Her while she was going around being a giving, caring, misunderstood user woman, world without end, Amen.

bored • 12/21/05; 12:01:52 AM

Oh this is DEFINATELY a truth!!! I am not bad looking, though I’m no model, and I do get offers from time to time. Women like to be chased but at the same time want a challenge. Now this challenge will vary from woman to woman and yes some women like an “asshole” because it is a very big challenge! But if you behave nice, sweet, and always there and dependable for a woman, you will win her… as a “friend” but not as anything more. Why bother, she has you in her pocket, so why bother addressing you.

For those men ( women will completely deny this) that don’t believe, try it. Don’t be an asshole but try ignoring someone your interested in your circle. If she calls, don’t reply, and write an email later saying that you must have missed it or were busy. Flake on a few occasions and say that you were held up with some other “friends”… if she asks who, make up some women’s names ( if you use real one’s you’ll get caught in this lie – us men have horrible memories). If she is at all interested, she will try to gain your attention and try to get you not to flake and ignore her all the time. If she wasn’t interested before, she will at least be curious about you, and that’s always a good start.

Even if you’re IN a relationship that’s kinda stale because you are always there for her, try this, and the jealous beast in a woman will come out to claim you as hers. Women are very competitive and none like to lose to another, even if your an asshole, your HER asshole!

jabber_wolf • 4/11/07; 3:00:22 PM

You absulatly right i think it is the most important for a man having a confiddance some man have that confidance by their body or they are good looking or some man think when they have the money and nice expensive carsthey will have that confidance and they will get the nice and beautifull girls..But at the end what in you will come out..Thats why some man always shop for the bigger diomand.(he he)I have a few friends like that..Personaly i think women has to like who you are not how much money you have ..P.S.Might be wrong thinking still looking for right women..One day will come along..

Kirk Cagan • 7/30/07; 9:06:50 PM

how this situation works is females want long term relationships and are so tied up in their emotions they really dont know what the fuck they want so they get caught in flattery. All your average guy is looking for when he meets a woman is sex and he is going to appear how it is nessecary to get it. Now, when a girl knows what she wants, and doesnt need someone to look after her, THAT IS HOT! And i personally find it quite annoying if a girl cant take care of her own and i wont look twice at any sort of long term relationship if i look at all.

And as far as guys and long term relationships go, you have to offer something more than sex. some sort of deep connection which a woman cant put on as a show. So, i think women and men could get along much better if we had a well rooted cultural understanding that sex is sex and relationships are relationships. sex doesnt mean anything other than sex. take it for what it is instead of attaching ideas to the concept. in our culture, sex seems to be some sort of mysterious, sacred act. its not, when was the last time you had a dog trying to fuck your leg like tommorow wouldnt come. thats what it is, instincnt.

jesus of nazerath • 2/15/08; 2:55:03 AM

in my opinion what you are saying is completely true. as a man who has dated around i find that i meet way more and better looking women when inm the asshole. 99% of woman i meet dont like a nice guy. i have no problem meeting women but as soon as they find out im really a sweet sensitive man they want nothing to do with me.

i think all you bitches are stupid. when im an asshole i can pic from any girl i want. but as soon i i show my true feelings women treat me like im some kinda uncurable disease. whats going on with your whole gender!!! all my friends are assholes and they get so much poon i cant keep count. you women dont want a nice guy you want an asshole who treats you terribly. if im liyin then in dyen. its the truth

macho • 2/22/08; 6:29:45 PM


23 Responses to “Do Women Prefer Bad Boys?”

  1. Deslina Says:

    lets be honest. bad boys know how to F%*ck

  2. Acckuu_Odmin Says:

    Lets rotflmao.

  3. Mo Says:

    Men hate the whole mumbo jumbo BS beat around the bush BS we want to hear it straigth up that it isn’t working blah blah blah…. Ok on the “friends” issue men don’t want to be “friends” with her…. We allready have our friends and were after much more than just being “friends” when we’re on a date with her. We know your just trying to let him off easier but the whole “let’s just be friends” but men don’t want to hear the “friends” if you don’t see anything just tell him straight up this isn’t working or no thanks or something like that and then we can just go on with our lives. The whole “let’s just be friends” were not going to most likely just hang out with you if you give us the “let’s just be friends” because we wanted a relationship with you and certainly don’t want to be with you while you have your “boyfriend” because that’s what we wanted is to be your boyfriend. Talk about torture hangin with you as “friends” while you have your boyfriend and we had completely different intentions.

    It would be the same if the roles were reversed… You women wouldn’t want to hang out with us if we men did the “let’s just be friends” to you and then we have our girlfriend while you hang out with us as “friends” but your intentions were to have us as a boyfriend.

  4. Geoff Says:

    To get bitches, you need to understand a few basics:-

    1. The bitches are inherently lazy. They will do anything if you make them believe they can give up work and bludge off you.

    2. The bitches need to be led. As a wise man once said, “they have brains like squirrels”. Tell them what to do (if she’s a feminist, you may have to do this in a subtle way). They don’t have a fucken clue. Raise your voice often. Always show them who’s boss. A bit of gentle slapping and pushing usually works a treat. Occasionally a firm backhander is required (but always keep an open hand).

    3. Ultimately the bitches like screwing just as much as men. If you’re not getting any, it’s because you’re a whimp, not making enough money, fat, ugly or have a little dick (maybe all of these things).

    If your wife or GF is not putting out, ditch the mole. Don’t invest the time and effort required to fix her up. Use that energy to line up a fresh root.

    Now a few pointers on getting a fresh root:

    1. Don’t be kind, sensitive and all that shit. Show them you’re boss.

    2. Be confident and domineering, but pretend (within reason) to have some moderate interest in the shit she likes – especially if she’s interested in freaky monkey sex, blowing bongs etc.

    3. If she’s got good looking friends, demand a threesome. Not negotiable!

    4. If you’re a fat bastard, eat less and exercise more.

    5.It goes without saying that you need to be in good shape, financially, or at least be able to demonstrate an ability to accumulate wealth in the short term. If you are a loser with no money or prospects, you’ll need to lie! Tell them you’ve got some big deal on the go. If you’re a cleaner – tell them you have a patent pending on a new device, that will revolutionise how house wives clean crappers. If you’re a bank teller, tell them you’ve designed a new financial instrument (with some long bullshit / complicated name) and Joe Public will be lining up to hand over his hard earned. You get the gist. Just bullshit.

    The key thing is turnover!

    Once you’ve plugged the bitch, it’s already time to start finding a new one. If she’s got decent friends / associates, don’t ignore the opportunities that lie therein. Especially if her friends / associates are married.

    Go forward and fuck my friends. Take no prisoners. Leave your genetic matter all over her stuff.

  5. SentWest Says:

    Of course, you could be a woman like me, who intentionally seeks out the “nice guys,” and has absolutely zero interest in jerks. The better looking the jerk the more distasteful he is to me as well.

    However, invariably, my “nice guys,” start out as wonderful, respectful, caring people, and devolve starting at about 6 – 12 months into the relationship into a snippy, sarcastic, distant, iceburg, who sits on the couch farting and being flat out mean to me when he’s not totally ignoring my existance.

    Oh and also, my wonderful nice guy’s sex drive miraculously disappears around the same time, leaving me miserably in the once a month maybe, if he doesn’t have a headache, category.

    Explain that one to me…. No really, do explain, I’m on my last thread here, and this ALWAYS happens to me….

    And to head you off at the pass, I am not a hag, nor a hog. I make good money, do my share of any housework, and am always willing to please, in bed or out.

    So WHY?

  6. BlueRed Says:

    Ha ha ha ha!

  7. Dan Says:

    Hi, I’m one of those Bad Boy Jerks turned nice , caring, nurturing husband and father. Guess what? After I changed, albeit over time, my marriage lost ALL PASSION. I stuck with her for 15 more years waiting for SOMETHING to happen. Guess what? I am now separated and back to enjoying myself. Some PEOPLE don’t know WHAT they WANT. My advice. Face value is just that. Acceptance is the key to a happy and healthy self.

  8. Lisa Says:

    You know how guys always say they want “a lady on their arm but a whore in bed” well, personally for me as a wife, I want a nice guy outside the bedroom but in bed I need the bad guy for a little passion and spice. Yes, some of us women like to be “taken” even when we protest a little. We like to know we can show our strength and get a little lippy but we want it to come up against a man confident enough to not turn his tail and run just because of our words. I like my words to come up against the brick wall of his confidence in himself and our relationship.

    I’m not talking about being a jerk in bed and slapping her around or being demeaning to her, I’m talking about a man who can’t be pushed around so easy by his wife’s moods and lets her know that he loves her enough to not let her passing feelings and moods get in the way of their relationship. Showing her respect is never off the table even when you’re being the bad guy. Sometimes even telling her just that (with a firm grasp on her shoulders and looking into her eyes, “I love you and care for our marriage too much to let your “moods and feelings” get in the way of us”) in the midst of her protests so she can know he’s coming from a place of true concern for the marriage and their life together and not just using her for sex.

    There’s a reason that old Hollywood stereotype of the protesting woman melting into her lover’s insistent kisses is done over and over again in movies and romance novels. It’s because women respond to it. It’s the man’s insistence that shows her how much he loves her even when she acts like she doesn’t love him. (which is just a defense mechanism, even if she does love him. She sometimes tests that love by seeing what he’ll do, fight or flee. Does he love me enough to show me he’s not a wimp when it comes to protecting our relationship? If he flees, then she just sees him as a wimp who left her with all the power in the relationship. She wants him to FIGHT for her, even if he has to fight her very self to win her.) He just has a confidence that the love is there in her as well behind her protests so he knows he’s not forcing her or raping her despite her initial misgivings. Of course, I don’t want any men here thinking that they can just keep going with having sex if she’s protesting all the way to the bedroom and never shows that surrender to his strength. If you see real fear in her eyes, you can bet her feelings aren’t just the petty passing moods that all women have or a test of his belief in their relationship but something much deeper. If your wife has abuse issues or has been raped in the past, then she might not feel the same way. However, if you’re pretty sure your wife loves you and doesn’t have abuse issues then maybe she protests because she’s not confident of your love. Sometimes that little bit of manly insistence can be a really big turn on.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    frekin nuts in that their such complicated creatures. What you see is never what you get. Its always about head and mind games.

  10. Addy Says:

    Hi Julia,
    I like your blog, its the best place for relationship issues. Though the topic that i am about to discuss is a bit unique. I love my wife and she loves me to, but I like Oral sex more than anything else and she hates it. I havent had a BJ in my whole life. I have discussed this with her many times, sometimes during sex but that pisses her off. Can you let me know my options

  11. justingarrett Says:

    Sex is over-rated as most things are. I believed this before I had sex. Now after I’ve had sex, I know it. Thank you.

  12. Living Room Furniture Says:

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  13. Jimmy Says:

    There is a lot of truth to this statement: “The good guys wine and dine ’em, the low lives fuck ’em”

  14. geese Says:

    There are some really interesting answers here. I have recently realized though that there are few women who are categorically one way or the the other. It usually has to do with the man she is interacting with and whether she is fertile or not. Of course, there are some women who just like sex, and even fewer who want to please their man (or men in general) because they think the man deserves it. Instead, let me tell you what women tend to feel. Every women tends to toggle between feeling sorry for herself and in the need for one helpful, comforting , non-imposing, reliable man and bursting with confidence and wanting several muscular, warrior, devil-may-care bad boys to ravish her. There is though, method to this madness. One description is that of the fertile woman (guess which one) and the other is that same woman when she is not fertile. This is why women sync their cycles, the wimpy men who say nice nothings and fix things around the house and are soft to the touch got access to the women exclusively on the “down” nights. During this time, manly men were out with the mastodons, or invading other villages to ravish their horny women after they chased off/killed all their man folk. When they came back to their own villages, the beta males would stand around and watch as the dominant males would have unreal orgies with the women. This is why so many guys are inextricably stuck on porn.

    Today not a single thing I mentioned above is acceptable. So women don’t know what they want, because what they want keeps cycling from fertile to infertile. Since women no longer think polyandrically (all but the lucky few have access to just one male most of the time), they have to choose between the weedy conversationalists who make them feel that there is hope for the future and the big men with alpha looks, bulging veins and impossibly large swinging phalluses. As a guy, it can really be frustrating. If you are the hairy lumberjack type with a massive adams apple, you would have had no holes barred sex with your wife while dating her 8, 9, 10 times a day for 2 weeks out of the month. Then she would hang out with her gay best friend for the other week or so. Then you get married and she feels unfulfilled because her cycle changes and she wants occasional sex and someone to go shopping with. Or maybe you were a “nice guy” with a girl who had a longer infertile period back in the day. You would have had occasional sex with her but great picnics and conversations about Czech movies from the 40s. Then all of a sudden she goes to work at an investment bank where they spray the trading floor with male pheromones and now she wants it long and hard all night for at the very least 2 weeks out of the month. But you just brought back some goji berries, a Kafka audibook and your platonic massage kit and just want a spooning session (we’ll talk about spooning later).

    Some of these guys actually want the wild boys to come home and to the dirty with their wife so that they can go back to talking about unicorns with her. But again, that sort of stuff is not as acceptable as it was back in the 8th millenia BC. Times have changed – and we need to adapt.

    The 21st century solution: be both types of guy. I think the medieval bard had it right: learn to to fight, swear, run and swim but dress up in tights with nice little shoes with curly toes and sing about love. Us modern men can do this to. If you are the wimpy guy by default then change your settling s when she’s fertile. Buy a shot gun and clean it after doing a shirtless Hakka dance on her second day of ovulation (a simple core body temperatur thermometer will let you know the exact day this is – be sure to take regular readings and record the results) . Have sex with many many women in your youth so that pleasing the female body becomes as easy as a lay-up shot must be for a retired NBA player. Burp after your meals and sip scotch (for those of you who aren’t in the know, burping while sipping scotch is a subtle way of asking the fertile human female “whose your daddy?”. Try it and you will see by the immediate reaction of the ladies in the room who is fertile and whose not.)

    …but remember: On the infertile days to you need to be ready to rock the softy. This is easy to do because women are always talking about the virtues of the noble softy. This is the Clark Kent to your Superman. Women aren’t allowed to admit that they like the way Superman’s obscene outerunderpants bulge. But they can articulate very well how cute it is when Clark Kent blushes after a compliment. If you have bad eye sight, seize the day and wear specks and not contacts during her infertile times. Develop the slightest speech impediment. Go to bed in fullbody flannel pajamas with a night cap on these nights. Make sure she walks in on you reading the Giving Tree, and be slightly emotional when you get to the part when the tree is just a stump. Nothing left to give – isn’t that just so sad? Learn a foreign language that smacks of inane cultural sensitivity like Tigrina or Classical Phoenician. Take out your Notary Public kit with the little seal and the nice velvet cloth and show how industrious you are making a little money on the side notarizing things for the housing association. Most importantly, learn to listen – especially to high pitched voices talking way to long about never-ending bullshit. For example, I force a smile every morning while I watch 2 minutes straight of a 20-second loop featuring alternating segments of Alvin & the Chipmunks and Suppernanny. Over the years this has built up my tolerance to many “conversations”, including incessant high-pitched squabbling about toddlers.

    But all of this would be for nought unless you perfect the aforementioned platonic massage followed by a position called the isometric spoon (IS). Now this is very important to take note: an IS is successfully executed after you snuggle into a humping position with a scantily dressed woman-of-your-dreams and hold that position without moving your hips or achieving an erection for a minimum of 5 hours. Poor IS form includes breaking from the posture to touch one of her erogenous zones, asking her if she is also having trouble sleeping or mentioning anything that implies that sex is natural. Remember, just keep telling yourself that only sick sick perverts like sex. Deranged sickos like that guy in the cell next to Hanibal Lector. Nice guys just give cuddles.

    So whether you are naturally the alpha male type or one of those guys that pays good money to lick jello off of women’s toes at some point of every month you will have to put in a stint as The Man You Are Not.

    But as a married man, please take my word that its all worth it. Women are amazing people and if you happen to have scored a young lady who is beautiful right down to her core like my wonderful wife, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. I may be an alpha cave man in metro-man sheep’s clothing but I’m a very very lucky one.

  15. ashu Says:

    i don,t understand, i like to fucking

  16. bigsyrb Says:

    Women need to be fucked and objectified; they need a reason to be a slut. The socially imposed sexuality of a woman is an onerous burden. Give them a reason to be sexually themselves and you will be a great lover. Reticence is the death of a good fuck, and fucking is what they want. Don’t make love, fuck.

  17. luke Says:

    heres my 2 cents. ive always been the bad boy. drugs fights and no fear its been my mo since day 1 and ive always had the attention of the girls around me.im good looking too modeled as a kid. but i will say that it does prevent women from trusting you. i lost my fiance bc of being too much of a bad boy. she got tired of the fighting drugs and legal problems. and btw bad boys get broken hearts too. were all people its just a matter of how you carry yourself and the experiences youve had. so with that being said yes the whole supremely confident bad boy image wont fail to attract women if its genuine( nobody likes a wannabe) but deep down women will struggle to fully trust him.

  18. TheTrueAnswer Says:

    Another good reason why us good guys Can’t meet a decent woman anymore.


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