Technique: One Woman’s Preferences

As the previous post indicates, there are radically different tastes and large physiological differences among women when it comes to techniques for getting to the Big O.

I recently heard from a woman who claimed to know for a “fact” that women didn’t actually get any pleasure out of having their breasts or nipples stimulated, and that any woman who claimed that she did was just “pretending” for her partner’s benefit.

Um…no. While it’s true that some women don’t get any sexy sensations out of breast play, others do, and in many cases, it is very important to their overall enjoyment.

This whole thing illustrates the fallacy of giving you advice based on any particular woman’s sensations or tastes. I know you would really like for there to be some one-size-fits-all, foolproof methodology for “getting her there,” but there just isn’t. There’s no perfect way of pressing a magic button and getting a pornobabe scream. BUT maybe you’d be interested in some specific ideas to try, and some warnings about common problems. I hope I’ll hear from more readers about what works for them — and what doesn’t.

So just to get things underway, let me suggest a methodology that *I* enjoy. Standard disclaimers probably apply here more than ever, since this is just a statement of my personal preferences and an outline of the things that turn ME on. They not only might not apply to your wife, they might be active turn-offs for all I know. But it can’t hurt for you to at least consider trying this line of approach.

Personally I’ve found that penetration immediately AFTER an orgasm, however that O is derived, is among the more sublime of sexual experiences. Standard pre-orgasmic intercourse is pleasant enough, of course, but it’s finer by far just after I’ve come, and my vaginal mini-orgasms during intercourse only happen after a regular, empty-vagina clitoral orgasm. So what we like to do is a little foreplay (massages, breast play, experimentations, finger fun, etc., of which more later), a few minutes of full-on missionary intercourse to get us both really warmed to the task, then we pursue my orgasms (always multiple these days) and end with more (usually very enthusiastic) intercourse in a variety of positions.

Contra the woman who knows that “fact” above, I consider myself lucky in that I’ve always had very sensitive nipples, and we’ve found that the most effective route to my orgasm is to stimulate my nipple(s) and clitoris at the same time. This sets up a kind of feedback loop between breasts and groin that reinforces the buildup of pleasure. However, as I noted above, there are some women who derive little sexual excitement from their breasts or nipples, and for them attempts at stimulation can sometimes be actively off-putting. Others only like it at particular points in the process, or only appreciate particular kinds of stimulation.

For most of us who do like breast stimulation, sustained traction (sucking the nipple all the way up into your mouth and holding it there in a motionless vacuum force-field) is not particularly entrancing. Unvarying, repetitive action (rubbing the nipple monotonously back and forth in the same direction and with the same pressure, over and over, for example) is also problematic.

Nerve endings become accustomed to any repeated stimulus and essentially stop firing. So periodically sliding a moving tongue over the very tip of a nipple can bring forth shivers of delight, but doggedly “nursing” away like a starved suckling pig is not only unlikely to get her very excited but could even get annoying. Vary the rhythm, the force, the location, the movement. Rough or gentle, hard or soft, the idea is to avoid getting in even a temporary rut, so you keep the synapses humming.


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